LISTEN

SHOW NOTES

Questions we ask

1. What are you seeing with the state of mental health in the next generation? Specifically, how has COVID affected that?

2. Can you help us understand what parents were processing during this past year?

3. How would you recommend parents even begin to have a conversation with their teenager about their mental health?  

4. How does a parent’s understanding of their own identity affect their kids?

5. How do we recognize if a child or teen is struggling with their mental health?

6. If we suspect or find out that our child is struggling with their mental health, or is in a mental health crisis, what steps do we take?
7. How does a parent go about finding a counselor for their teenager?

Highlights:

• COVID has had a huge impact in mental health worldwide. Experts have observed a rise in suicide rates, a rise in self-harm, a rise in anxiety & fear, a rise in isolation.

• Teens have been separated from COMMUNITY in so many ways and their normal rhythm of life has been messed up. We’re having to re-learn how to interact with people. We’ve seen steps backwards in our teenagers’ willingness to express vulnerability and be honest in what was previously considered a safe space.
  

• “We’re seeing that things they were already struggling with are being exposed more because of the isolation...When you sit in isolation, there’s more time for those thoughts to spiral.”
• This year, parents have had to learn how to work remotely, maneuver their daily schedule without getting any alone time, and work through a loss of community. We’re seeing an increase in bitterness, irritability, marriage issues, and dependencies on drugs and alcohol. For some parents, increased time at home has been a great experience, but for a lot of parents it’s been really difficult to navigate.
• Ask your kids more specific questions than "how was your day" to avoid one-word answers—instead, ask “what was the high of your day” and “what was the low of your day?” to draw more information out of them.
• Your kids are getting input from all directions—from teachers, from friends, from the news, from social media. Have the conversations about hard things with your teenagers, because the likelihood is they’re already hearing about them from somewhere outside your home. If your kids can’t come to talk to you about the hard things, where are they going to get their information? Be bold and intentional, and talk to your kids about suicide, anxiety, and their fears.
  
• You’re not bringing up a topic they haven’t already heard...by bringing it up, you’re opening the door for them to have that conversation [with you].

• Have OTHER people who love the Lord in your kids’ lives to mentor them. Surround them with leaders and other trusted adults who can be intentional with your teens, as well.

• If your teenager opens up to you about a struggle they’re having, whether or not you’ve noticed any signs or have suspected it, try not to act disappointed or shocked—even if that’s how you’re feeling inside. It’s important that you express that you love them, listen, and are a safe place for them to share what they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, and what’s really going on.
• “Our kids are smart. Our kids are observant. Our kids are learning not only from the things that we say but the things that we do.” It is crucial that our identity [as parents] is grounded in who Christ says that we are, so that we are then teaching and showing that to our children.
• When you are anxious, fearful, feeling depressed, etc., your kids are seeing what you’re walking through and are learning from your experiences and responses. To be clear—this is NOT criticism, or a demand that you be perfect or pretend life is easy. This is a reminder to be aware! 
  Teach your kids how to lean into and turn to the Lord. Remind yourself who God says you are, so you are teaching that to your kids and incorporating His words into your conversations with them.
• “It is hard to lead, it’s hard to love, and it’s hard to advise from an empty place.”
• When you have the opportunity to speak into a teen’s life and counsel them, it’s important to be able to see and receive it, to respond and step into that moment from a healthy place. It’s important for parents to be filled up by their own time with the Lord, time in community with other believers, and to be able to take your own thoughts and worries captive.
• God tells us in His word that He is always present, that He is consistent, and that He has a plan and a purpose for us even when things get hard.
• Speaking the Lord’s truth in front of your kids, even in the midst of suffering, is MUCH more powerful than hiding your fears and worries from them. It’s a great thing to tell your children that you’re struggling with something too, and to follow that up with what you know to be true, what the Lord is teaching you, what you’re learning, and what you want them to know to be true. Show them empathy and compassion, and then show them that you’re going to lock arms with them and go to battle alongside them!
• To be vulnerable is hard. But when you choose to be vulnerable with your teens, it shows them you’re a safe place for them to open up, as well.
• You have to be face-to-face with someone to recognize signs of mental illness and declining mental health. Spend time with your teens. Know their norms.
• Any time a child has faced humiliation, rejection, or the destruction of a relationship, keep an eye on them. Make sure they’re handling it and reacting in a way that seems appropriate for the loss both in action and length of time.
• Here are some indicators that your child or teen may be struggling with their mental health:
  • Drastic changes in behavior
  • Emotional changes that are against their normal
  • Changes in eating habits
  • Changes in sleeping habits
  • Withdrawal
  • Excessive crying or nervousness
  • Talking circles around a specific fear
  • A constant pattern of fear about multiple things—big or small
  • Talking about suicide
  • General hopelessness
  • Taking unnecessary risks
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Finding comfort/numbing in any way (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
• If your child or teen opens up to you about their mental health, or if they are in a mental health crisis:
  • • Listen, love, encourage, and offer hope. 
  • If you see there’s an immediate danger, do not hesitate to call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline (1-800-273-TALK). 
  • • Listen with compassion and a heart that desires to understand what they’re walking through. Engage them in conversation to truly understand their experience. Connect them with Godly mentors, counselors, and medical professionals.
      Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It makes sense that you’re not going to know exactly how to best help your teen. 
    • The beauty of counseling is that we get to sit across from someone who is going to help us process what we’re walking through, how we got to that place, and what to do next. Counseling is a safe outlet to talk about the hardest things, and is a resource readily available to help you take steps of healing.
      If you don’t know how to connect yourself or your child with a counselor, or if you aren’t sure you want your child to see a counselor, seek out a minister or another church leader first. They can walk you through your concerns from a Biblical perspective.
      Your church can recommend faith-based counselors and other resources in your church and in your community.
    • Parents need support, as well. Do not try to do this alone or to hide it. Ask your community to intercede on your behalf and to battle alongside you in prayer. Others have walked this road and it’s important to recognize you are not alone. Seek trusted counsel. 
    • Know that you have not failed. Accept where you and your child are now, look behind you to see what you can learn about how you got here, and walk forward together in hope and to find healing.
    • God wants to be glorified through these journeys, for us to find healing in Him, and–once we have found that healing–for us to share His comforts with others.
  • All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. | 2 Cor. 1:3-4 (NLT)

Resources:

1. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
2. Topical Index: Depression & Anxiety
   From our Parent Resource Page, this index provides conversation guides, articles, and links to other podcasts that will help parents understand their child's depression & anxiety, regardless of age.
3. Topical Index: Parenting Through COVID-19
   From our Parent Resource Page, this index provides links to articles and other podcasts specifically helping parents navigate fear, anxiety, worry and discouragement with their kids.
4. Topical Index: Suicide
   From our Parent Resource Page, this index provides links to articles and conversation guides to help parents tackle this tough topic with their teenagers.
5. MHA Article: The State of Mental Health in America